You lost the bet.

You lost the bet.
Current mood: bored
Category: Blogging

For those of you playing along at home, I am still pregnant. My due date has now come and gone. At last measurement he was sitting at around 8.5 lbs and comfortable. I will be going in for a scheduled C-section on the morning of Tuesday, the 11th. Surgery will commence at 7:00 am. Yes I did say the 11th. I don't feel bad about it. I think it will be nice to have a life to celebrate on such a tragic day.

This will be my first C-section since my first child was born the traditional way, and I am a touch nervous. I have always metabolized anesthesia faster than I ought to have and I have been told that if the medication wears off then I will be put out.

Anyway, unless something interesting happens between now and Tuesday, expect my next blog to come live from the recovery room and dripping with Morphine. Should be interesting.

All the excitement.

September 1, 2007 - Saturday

All the excitment. Current mood: bored Category: Blogging Last night we watched Insider or Inside man, I don't remember. It's a bank robber movie. This morning I went to my local Winn Dixie, because Mena is ill with something. Fever and sore throat from what I can tell. So, I needed to stock up on Motrin and various liquids. I got everything I needed and proceeded to the checkout counter. I had put my thing on the belt at the first register (the only one open) and was speaking with the girl there. All of a sudden a guy runs out the front door and a kid who was at the customer service counter ran after him. The guy jumped into a mini van that was waiting out front and they tore off. It wasn't before the fast acting kid got the plate number. It all happened quite quickly. Apparently the kid saw the dude run out with a bunch of steaks. The manager was on the phone with the cops as I walked out the door. It was pretty awesome. It's not a bank robbery or anything, but it was definitely the highlight of my week. After I had told my husband about all the excitement he responded with, "I'm sure they didn't expect you to do anything." I scoffed. Good thing, 'cause the first thing they teach you in retail is not to try to stop them. The most ballsy thing I am trained to do is to offer them "great customer service" in the form of something complimentary. For example, if you are stealing a tablecloth, then I would feel obliged to show you the matching napkins. The idea is that they would just throw down the item out of embarrassment. I have always wanted to try this, but have never had the opportunity. So I commend the brave Winn Dixie kid who ran after that Minivan to get the tag. I've never had the pleasure of being in a situation like that before. He did a great job. Update: I am blistering nicely. I am bored to tears. I have seen every episode of Mythbusters and Cash Cab. I go to Sonic every day because they have the best ice on the planet. I can polish off 44 ounces of their Light Lemonade in 12 minutes (ice included). It's all I think about.

It's possible I might be mentally handicapped,

August 30, 2007 - Thursday

It’s possible I might be mentally handicapped. Current mood: bored Category: Blogging In a wild and crazy attempt to multi-task (list to follow) I have injured myself, again. I would post the picture of my boiling water induced burn, but my belly button took a lot of the "heat" (seeing as how it would win me the photo finish of any race). No matter how I try to crop the photo it just looks gross. So, no picture. This is how it went down. I was . . . a) making lasagna b) making chicken noodle soup c) trying to balance a 3 year old helper (in plastic princess shoes) on a chair while she watched Lion King over her shoulder d) talking to my mother-in-law on my husband's super expensive (yet total piece of junk) cell phone. This is not multiple choice. I was doing all of the above. I was specifically in motion of draining noodles for the soup into an already full sink of other prep items, and saying good-bye to my mother-in-law when I pulled the noodles too fast and the boiling water got me. It left me with a 3 inch burn on my tummy. Excuse me while I bathe the dog. I meant to actually take Buzz Lightyear to get him bathed, but I couldn't find his leash. I wasn't about to wrestle/ chase him through the Petzmart, so I bathed him here. I was going to have to clean the floors today anyway. Black dog + white bathroom = yuck. So if you need me I'll be scrubbing. I will also be washing the clothes I had on five minutes ago, because that exactly how caught up I am on laundry. I also have lasagna and chicken noodle soup (homemade) if you're hungry. I don't know if It's good because I lost my appetite after my scalding. 6:44 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Raving mad conspiracy.

August 21, 2007 - Tuesday Raving mad consipracy. Current mood: awake Category: Blogging For those of you who don't know, I work for Williams-Sonoma at the Summit in Birmingham. This is an outdoor shopping center, rather than a mall. Last year, probably the weekend before Christmas, it was still unseasonably warm. So the Summit tried a gimmick to get people out and shopping. The two that I saw were at the Parisian's a few doors down from us, and at the Pottery Barn across the street. What they had done was mount a snow machine/blower contraption on the roof of these locations. This came across more awkward than grand. It was a tiny thing, much like a bubble machine at a kids party. The "snow" it blew landed in a measly three foot square below. It looked like it was more confusing to most than anything. Anyway, to hype the event, they sent all the stores a memo explaining the concept and attempted to get us to tell our customers they must return to the summit to see such a sight. This year I think they are trying to pull one over on us yet again. I'm not saying I got a memo, but I think I'm on to something. I was driving to work this past Wednesday, and I noticed something. There were three guys with leaf blowers just standing at the edge of the main Summit Boulevard blowing leaves into the street. In the days to follow I noticed that the parking lot (as opposed to every other surface in the state of Alabama) seems to be acquiring more and more leaves. Even walking out of Panera with my morning coffee I noticed that an unusual amount of leaves were piled under my car. You have to understand that the Summit has an army of landscapers. There are several huge trucks that go around sweeping. There are pick-up's pulling trailers full of recycled water to make sure all the flowers are perfect. There is an army of golf carts toting people who dig up and replant the bed weekly. There are even more golf carts toting men with trashcans cleaning up the messes people leave. Plus the actual people on foot who reside in the parking lot with their brooms and dust pan's on a sick. I'm not quite crazy enough to be taking leaf samples to see IF infact these leaves did fall from the many trees at the Summit (none of which have actually changed colors yet). But I do find it interesting that the Summit seems to simply be moving them around. Very interesting indeed, Summit. Thant's right. I'm on to you, Summit. Go ahead, blow some leaves around, and maybe the people of Birmingham will forget for a second that it has been over a 100 degrees for the last two weeks. Once we get out of our cars we know it still blazing summer. But that's what you want, isn't it, Summit? "We see you driving by. Look at those leaves we blew on your car on your way home. It's fall at the Summit. Nice and cool. Come shopping in the cool." Very clever, Summit. 2:16 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

A quick word

August 18, 2007 - Saturday

A quick word. Current mood: blah Category: Blogging "Once a Carnie, always a Carnie. Mom still cries when she sees a tilt-a-whirl or a lady in a tube top." If you've never seen Drop Dead Gorgeous, then stop everything and go out and rent it today. It's gold, pure comedic gold. Every time I see it on TV, I watch. Well, if you haven't heard (cause I sure do whine), I'm fat, miserable, and 9 months pregnant. It is also important to mention that today was day 12 in a row of 100+ temperatures in this great state. That's just hot, people. Enough. As the final word on the matter, we will be delivering by c-section on or around the 10th of Sept, if I don't go on my own before then (which I am fully expected to). I went to target today, which I love, but I forgot one of the main things I was shopping for, so later on in the day I braved my local Wal-mart, and I tell you it made me ill just to be inside it. it was horrible and stinky. I even tried the "hey, how's it going," to the guy vacuuming the kids department and he just stared back at me. I gave it another shot at the register. "Hey, how are you?" to a blank stare. Ugh. This blog is about as random as I am these days. Sorry it's dull. I had funnier things to say this morning, but I've forgotten them all, and I can no longer sit here. Jake at 7 pounds last week.

Hurry Sister, we have lepers waiting.

August 8, 2007 - Wednesday

Hurry, Sister, we have lepers waiting. Current mood: cheerful Category: Blogging My husband made me watch Cannonball Run II today, and yes, the most fascinating part of the movie was seeing how drunk they ALL were. I had a day off today and I just sort of acted like I was off. That may sound strange, but it actually felt strange to do it. I was confused by one incident in particular today. I went to Old Navy to see if they had any baby clothes on sale (because I am still largely in denial about having a child at the end of this month and I'm not ready to commit to full price clothes). The center of the store had all these tent style dresses. I walked up and down the section. These dresses were huge. I am huge. I am totally confused. Old Navy doesn't carry maternity. I walked up and down the section. The people here will think I'm crazy if I think I could fit into these dresses. "But they're so huge," I thought. I finally decided that the Trussville location was the only place I could get away with trying on the dress (being far enough away from my normal Old Navy). As I walked to the back I laughed at the girl tending the dressing area. We both laughed at the situation, but I admitted that curiosity had gotten the best of me, and I had to know if it fit or not. Strangely enough, it did. And friends, it's a medium. I am under NO circumstances a medium. I think this is God's way of saying "sorry for the low-rider jeans and bohemian crud last time you were pregnant." I really had very little choice with that trend. So, it is you, the non-pregnant, that I wonder about. Anyway, this evening was Mena and my first "beauty day." I did a full spa treatment that included flower stickers on her fingernails, and sponge curlers in her hair. The final treat was a dessert of strawberries and whip cream. It was a blast.

I judge you and your fries.

August 2, 2007 - Thursday

I judge you and your fries. Current mood: overinflated Category: overinflated Blogging So John and I went to Rojo today for lunch and it was nice. I got a taco salad, and he got a quesadilla. It was fun. It felt young, and whimsical. We were sitting at the bar, 'cause my husband knows everyone in town, and the bar is a better vantage point. As he was talking to a few people that we ran into I looked down at the table next to us. Being at the bar I could see all the food on this neighboring table. There was a man and three women there, obviously on a lunch break from work. He had ordered a burger with fries, and I was appalled at his plate. He had drizzled ketchup over the top of his entire order of fries. I actually associate this with childhood and I believe it shows the presence of an inability to make a proper transition into adulthood. Doesn't he know that the dip method is far less messy. It allows a controlled environment for ketchup delivery via fry. It reduces ketchup to hand contact, which is dangerous to all pressed white shirts everywhere. I found myself judging him, as if his mistake had been a fashion faux pas as well. He might as well have been wearing shoulder pads, jams, or stirrup pants. This was when he looked up. He caught my look of disappointment. It was probably mixed with a partial scowl. It made me sad, for him and the women forced to be seen with him. He wiped his hand on his already dirty napkin. I looked away and shook my head. This is the only good excuse to drizzle. or... I guess if you're Matt LeBlanc I have to go. I am Tivo-ing Twin Peaks and it is totally inappropriate for my 4 year old. 4:44 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

The tape of Love

July 12, 2007 - Thursday

The tape of love. Current mood: tired Between my sister-in-law's pre-wedding hoopla and the relocation of my place employment, my free time has been used for, well, sleep. Now with the move behind me (Grand opening 7/7/7) and the wedding a distant memory (also 7/7/7) I can now turn my attention to the lighter side of life, namely myspace and television. In regards to the wedding, I have a bit of information to pass along. If you are in a "condition" such a mine, or if you have issues with spending some quality time in a fake-n-bake machine getting some much needed pigment, then you might turn to one of the many self-tanning products on the market today. As mentioned in a previous blog (with picture) I have some problems blending (mostly because I am impatient). After a three day search for any one who would professionally spray me a tan, I discovered that all professional sprayers we out of town for the Fourth of July week (note week, not weekend). After boohoo-ing my troubles to Lynn, she refered me to a new product on the market. It was a foam (the company shall remain nameless, not because I fear being sued, but because I can't spell it and I'm too lazy to get up and look. okay?). It goes on brown so you can see where it needs additional blending. Twas lovely if I do say so. So, you have instant tan that builds. I suppose I should note my giggle at it's little warning. The instant part of the tan would surely wash off if I were to go swimming after I put it on. Ha ha foam, I will not be swimming, no worries. Ding dong, the wedding day arrives, and I have been working on my instant-build-a-foam tan for three days, and I am looking quite... tanner... I don't know, whatever. It was great. We had a lot to do wedding day. We had a ribbon cutting ceremony at the Sonoma then a brunch then hair then make-up then pictures, etc. Well when I went out that morning to start the festivities (after getting my self tan and straight-haired gorgeous) I noticed something strange. Now if you aren't from Alabama then you might not know that we shower with buckets to catch our water, just so we can get up at 4 in the morning to water our lawns, because we are in a Stage 3 drought. This is the reason rain seemed so strange. It wasn't a real rain though. No need for panic. Well except for the fact that this went on ALL DAY. After getting in and out of my car a hundred times it made my instant-build-a-foam tan change my skin coloring to something that curiously resembled a giraffe. All I can do is hope that my in-laws were to busy worrying about wedding whatnot and whether or not I could keep my flower girl under control to notice my brown camouflage type skin. But that's what I'm here for ladies and gentlemen, to screw up self tanning so you don't have to. I did have another bout with my addiction as well. After falling off the wagon, the road to recovery has been a long one. Especially when my husband thinks it's funny. Yes. He bought me Pringles. He had the nerve to ask me to save him some. Well after about 10 seconds and half a can later I found the inner strength that only God himself can provide and I slammed on the top and took them to my husband with strict orders to hide them if he felt he could not finish them. The very next day I was tearing his office apart as if I was looking for a mistress. I didn't find them, and I'm glad. I will leave you with this. If you aren't already watching Flight of the Conchords on HBO then get on it now. I've seen them on comedy central, but they have a sort of sitcom now. The video is messed up at the beginning, so be patient. If you've ever been in love, this is for you.